there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
