My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
