I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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