you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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