the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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