The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
