Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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