I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
