you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
