Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
