It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
