Your face is a jimmy john
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
