so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
