i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
