I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
