After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
