Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
