I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
