you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
even my farts smell like vagina
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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