party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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