Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
