I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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