I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
