So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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