I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
