We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
two words...techno handjob
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
