Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
