Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
