Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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