I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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