I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
