careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
