I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
