I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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