sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
