Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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