I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
