if you like me you must not know who I am
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
