how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
