I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
