Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize
