So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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