would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
