How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
