You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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