We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
