Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
