Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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