remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
