Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
