Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
