Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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