Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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